Jamaica

We've had a challenging year.....we're not alone, in fact many of my friends have had much worse.

 

Anyway, we decided that a holiday was a good idea, a space to escape, to relax, hopefully in some lovely warm weather. When Paul suggested we push the budget and go to Jamaica, you wont be surprised to hear that I didn't object.

 

But of course the idea that the 'stuff' would conveniently pause so that we could escape, was daft (I'm not so daft to think that it would stop and go away so that we could completely relax!). What I hadn't bargained for was some of the worst timing.....

 

But even so - Jamaica is a beautiful place, and a great place to balance out some of the stuff. Its hard to describe but obviously I'm going to try!

• Endless warmth - highs of mid 30 deg C, lows of mid 20s. You have to slow down - you cant rush in that heat
• Amazing people, who's welcome feels so genuine, who's love of life is contagious, where the attitude, cheesy as it sounds, is genuinely that there are 'no problems' only situations to be sorted.
• Sunsets that remind me of God's glory and majesty
• The endless, quiet lap of the sea breaking onto the sand.

And of course stuff still happened. I missed stuff by being away. I wasn't able to support my family and friends through some stuff. And maybe that was the point - I needed to be reminded that I am dispensable, that those I care about have lots of good people around them, who will also look after them if I cant. This allows me to rest, and to be human. Ultimately God is in charge, and He doesn't need to rest or recuperate, and He never lets me, or those I love, down.

2015 reflections...

I used to do this every year, but it looks as though I haven't done so for a while. Rather than focus on resolutions (I do have goals for the year, like most folk), I like to pause and remember the year just gone.

 

It was a good year....filled with lots of normalness, remembering to walk with God (most of the time)

 

A year that had some lovely weddings, a visit from my BFF, and a fabulous holiday.

 

We spent two weeks in Tuscany, Italy. PJ and Paul drove down through Europe, cramming as many wine tastings in as they could. The girls (me, Sarah, Hannah and Amy) flew out to Pisa and managed a challenging drive to find the villa. A lovely villa, high in the hills, with the most amazing views. I never tired of gazing out across the valley, reminded of God's glory. It was great to get away for 2 whole weeks. It was so special to spend the time with our 'kids' - they are such amazing adults, and I treasure the friendships we have with them, that they seem to enjoy spending time with us!

 

2015 was the year Sarah moved to Didcot, into a lovely flat with Amy. They are great friends and are excellent flat mates.

 

There's been tough stuff: friends with serious illnesses, friends children dying, Paul having 3 months of a really bad back, the challenge of the reality of how church can be affected by human failings.

 

But God never lets us down...I think this song sums it up...

 

King of love and grace, my Guardian
All my hopes and fears are in Your hands
I’m in Your hands

Where you go I’ll go show me the way
Every step I take be now my guide
God on my side

You go before me. You’re there beside me
And if I wander, love will find me
Goodness and mercy will always follow
You go before me. my Guardian
When I hear you say trust and obey
I will walk by faith and not by sight
God of my life

Peace that passes understanding...

Its been a long time since I've written a blog. I struggle with how to talk about the things that are going on in my life, when often they involve other people, and/or things to do with work. I can't break any confidentiality in any way. Not personally or professionally.

 

But right now, after a season where it has felt as though there are storms all around me, where I've been hanging on to God's promise that I am a mighty oak tree, made to display His splendour, to the fact that oak trees have deep deep roots, and storms do not easily uproot them, today I saw something extraordinary.

 

In the midst of the most horrible situation I saw a peace that is beyond explanation. Of course we tried....apart from anything it was important to assign a logical explanation to a situation that many are seeing, and needed to have an explanation so that they could trust our response to it. But in the midst of the science, and the logic, I was struck by the beautiful gift of peace that I hadn't been expecting. We always strive for pain free, distress free, but this is beyond that. There is still exhaustion, and starvation, and death a breath away. But there is also peace and love. And my prayer is that it will remain triumphant. And I am confident of my parting words.... see you soon beautiful one.

 

Friendship

Friendships are usually for a reason, a season, or forever. I don't know where I first heard this but it has proved so very true over the years. I find it very helpful, because I, like many, would beat myself up if a friendship came to a natural end, because the reason was over, or the season had passed. Many friendships need things in common to create them, and to sustain them.

 

A few don't.

 

Last week I spent almost a week in the most beautiful house in Little Haven in Wales. Most importantly I was with some of the best friends I have in the world. (I have other special friends, I'm grateful for this, please know that not naming you here doesn't lesser that.)

 

The reason was bittersweet. Di, who I have known since we met in antenatal classes whilst pregnant with our first babies, has secondary cancer, and an almighty battle on her hands. But she has God on her side, and an army behind her. We, her daughters and her friends are part of that army, and a little time for us was needed. Di is a lovely example of a forever friend. Initially it was a reason (small babies are a great reason!) and there have been times when we've seen less of each other, but we always know that the other is there. We don't 'need' to do things to prove it. Its a rock solid friendship. I'm very grateful that the trip to America in May to see Angie realigned our friendship, that God, in His amazingly clever way, set things in place to support Di through this time, and I'm glad to be part of that.

 

The May trip also brought Sarah and Ruth back together as friends, and its lovely to see that friendship growing. The Wales trip also gave me chance to develop my friendship/ second mothering with Ruth, and a chance to get to know Martha again.

 

I don't think I'm going to try and capture all I feel about my beautiful daughter here - but I love that we are friends as well as mother and daughter.

 

Which leaves Angie - there are no words that truly describe how much Angie means to me. We found a song many years ago that has the line - ' a friend's a friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them'. Angie had been praying for a friend in Abingdon and I arrived! We had our babies together. We survived the first move to an hour away, and then the move to various places in the US. I love this woman beyond words, she is my soul sister. Forever, in a heat beat. There is nothing she can do that would ever change it. Sometimes we 'speak' daily, sometimes not for months. It doesn't matter. One of us calls and the other is there. She has my back, and I have hers.

 

 

 

 

Godzone

Godzone is the kid's church at the Church I attend. I was part of the team that caught God's vision for the children of our church, and 12 years ago saw the beginning of this amazing work. Sarah was 13, one of the original teenage helpers, PJ, one of the first ever Red group. Paul and I joined 'just' to do puppets. I have loved being part of a ministry that has sown seeds in hundreds of children's lives. I have been privileged to see how many of those seeds have grown into an amazing faith in many young people's lives. Equally many more are there for God to work on in due time.

 

Today was my last ever Godzone. It was time. Time for new things, for Godzone and for me. But I am a little bit sad. There's a song we have loved singing that has a line that says 'every where I look I see your face' and every time we sing it I have heard God saying 'look, look at their faces, see me in them', and I have, I've seen a glimpse of my Lord in the faces of the Children - is there any greater treasure?

 

So tonight I will allow me to be a bit sad, but also be grateful, and hopeful for things to come.

 

Enough

Yesterday I spent the day at Trinity Cheltenham's Women's Day - Splendour. It was a great day. Great Worship, great fellowship, great teaching. I really value these days - a chance to feast on the Lord - I think there is a place for feasting, alongside every day daily bread.

 

Anyway one of the speakers, Ben Cooley from Hope for Justice, was talking about his work, his passion for seeing justice reign, and his vision to see an end to modern day slavery. It was a hard hitting talk on many layers. But the bit that has stayed with me is about 'enough'.

 

He was talking about how hard it is to do what he does (not in a complaining way), and how sometimes he feels as though he has had enough. He referenced Elijah (1 King's 19), who, after being threatened by Jezebel, runs away, and says to the Lord, I have had enough, take my life.

 

Now there are times when my job is overwhelming, when I'm not sure if I have enough emotion left.

 

I have friends, who have been beaten and battered, are being beaten and battered, by thing, after thing , after thing, and there have had so much more than enough.

 

The sufferings in many places in the world are too much.

 

The suffering of the children and adults who are modern day slaves is too much.

 

I have prayed 'enough' for my friends, and I try to do it for the big situations.....

 

But Ben's point was that we have a choice - 'enough' can be a cry of defeat, or a cry of defiance. We can chose to say - Enough - I stand against the horrors of the world - on behalf of the kids I care for, on behalf of my friends who are suffering, on behalf of all God's people who are suffering.

 

Because the battle belongs to the Lord. And He has won. The skirmish that the devil is trying to use to snatch us away will NOT win. And enough is enough. And I am crying out on behalf of my friends - its time it stopped.

9/11 Museum

 I promised more about the 9/11 museum. Angie somehow managed to get tickets, a major coup considering it only opened last week (the day before we went I think). I can remember where I was when the planes hit - Sarah was off school sick with something, watching tv, so when the news coverage took over we watched, and we watched as the second plane hit, and the world realised this was not an accident, and we watched as the towers tumbled. I'd seen the twin towers on a previous trip - they were just another 2 skyscrapers then......

 

The memorials, 2 beautiful squares, one each on the footprint of its respective tower, with the names of the people who died there, engraved around the outside, framing a multi-layered waterfall that goes down towards the foundations. As I said, beautiful.

 

The museum takes you under the two towers, and walks you through the events leading up to the day, minute by minute of the day, and afterwards. It's very well done, lots of very personal touches, it really is about the individuals, as well as about the nation. It was also totally emotionally overwhelming. To stand where over 3000 people died, to hear snippets of recorded farewells, to see shoes, or briefcases and other nick knacks that were found. To read the intelligence warning dated 2 months previously, predicting in detail what happened, supposedly without evidence to cause them to stop it. To read that, even now, 13 years later, they haven't been able to identify the remains of 40% of the people who died in the twin towers. It was heartbreaking. And rightly so - it was an event that changed the world.