The Journey to my new job

I’ve always hankered after a Nurse Consultant role – it’s THE most senior clinical role a nurse can have.

I’ve had what I believe to be a God given passion for working with children who are dying and their families for even longer – I can remember sitting in church crying over a child who’d died and asking God what He was doing for them, and He answered – ‘well I gave them you’.

And for the last 2 years, or maybe even more, I’ve become more and more unhappy with my current job. As the role changed to meet the needs of my organisation, including an office move, and an increasing shift to management, business, managing a budget, politics, conflict, I became more and more unhappy. And a situation with one particular family, where their distress and anger at the system, and their perception that I am between them and what they feel they need, has been very very hard.

Add in all the stuff with Paul’s dad and I’ve been on a huge journey, reflecting on who I am, allowing God to be in charge, rather than me trying to fix things. Being able to separate out that what my current job needs to be is different from who I am, and what job I should be doing.

I’ve been praying for a long time for a new job, and for most of that time the only sense I had was that it was there, but the other side of a wall that God was using to keep me from it, until I was ready. I needed to get back to a place where God was enough (because He is of course more than enough).

In May, as the work situation was at its worst, I saw another job, a grade down from what I am on, that was much more clinical, and I considered long and hard about applying for it, regardless of the pay drop. But.... it was mainly young adults, and not palliative care, and I discovered that I couldn’t let go of my passion, that what I wanted was to work with children who have life limiting illnesses, and that I didn’t want less than this, I wanted everything that God had in store for me, and more, the double blessing that Elisha asked for.

So I claimed a Nurse Consultant Role. And I decided to go and talk to a local place about whether they would ever create such a role. And when I got there, before I could say anything, they told me that they were planning to create a NC role , that they were working on a business case for it, but it may not happen until the next financial year (April).

So I began waiting....they applied for some government funding, which they eventually got (after a very bizarre phone call to me from the chair of the deciding board asking me if I thought they should have the money! I did own up to my bias). In this time I had a lot of words from friends from God, encouraging me, reinforcing the promise. At New Wine I nearly walked away from this job, but I felt I needed to be responsible to my mortgage, and I needed to trust God’s plan, and not try and do it my way. And I needed to trust that His plan was perfect, and His timing, and let Him do it (ie resist me instinct to fix things).

Finally in October I was interviewed, along with 2 others, one of whom on paper, was better than me. And I had to wait overnight to hear, at which point I gave it all up, and asked God for His will to be done. And then I heard that I had got the job, fair and square, on merit, that I was by far the best candidate.

And I’ve had to wait a bit longer, work my full 3 months notice, but I think this time has given me chance to realise all that God has been working out in me these last few years. And I’ve discovered extra layers of blessing:
• Support for me doing a masters
• All the new kit I need – laptop, phone, car etc
• A promotion
• Amazing support from everyone I’ve told, along with a real sense that they’ll miss me from my old job
• What looks like a promise of the job being made permanent (its 2 years only at the moment)

And I know that its going to have challenges of its own, and I’m leaving the NHS, and my continuous service and all the security that brings, but I know that this is what God has planned for me, and there is nothing that is going to happen that is outside of His plan which means it will all be for good.

So I am very very grateful, and blessed, and so looking forward to starting my new job.

Snow Days

So finally (in Sarah's eyes) snow arrived in Oxfordshire. Which made getting PJ back from Southampton and Hannah from Birmingham, a lot more complicated and slightly scary. And meant that every meeting in my diary has been cancelled so I've been working at home :) This has made for a much more pleasant week than I expected, and brought me so much closer to the end of my notice. I finish work for Christmas tomorrow lunchtime, then have eleven lovely days off work, and then I return for just 9 (NINE) days work :D

And everything is bought for Christmas, a few things are stuck in the post so may have to be given late, but I'm chilling very nicely and looking forward to some lovely relaxing, lazy days, days remembering the birth of my Lord Jesus.

Which reminds me - am really enjoying Nativity on BBC1 - if you haven't seen it go find it on iplayer

Slow, slow, quick quick slow

How can time pass slowly and quickly at the same time?

How can it be 2 weeks to Christmas, a week until PJ and Hannah come home, their first semester over, a week until Sarah's penultimate term is over? And yet....... I still have over 5 weeks of my notice to work.

Work is odd, maintaining things, holding things together, preparing for my departure, or at least trying, seeing my colleagues mixture of delight for me, excitement of my new job (for me and them) and despair that I am going. I don't think that's too strong a word - I think there is a real sense of them not knowing quite how things will work without me doing this job. Now I do know it'll be ok, different, and maybe eventually, better, but I also know that at this particular time, for a combination of reasons, its going to be very difficult.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas, not least because I have 11 days off work, but because I get to send lots of time with my family, all my family, and my friends, and time to worship my King, and remember the time that He began the plan to rescue me.

Enforced rest!

I have tonsillitis for the second time in about a month, although the GP thinks it's probably the same bug that I didn't get rid of the first time. Either way I am taking some time off sick this time - I didn't the first time, I slowed down but didn't stop, and I'm sure it didn't help. But I'm feeling guilty about being off work! Crazy I know, they'll have to cope without me soon, but I caught myself feeling bad about being off!!! Work has been very very manic, and I've been stressing about holding things together with one colleague on mat leave, another off sick for a few weeks, and slow plans for covering when I'm gone.

I remain on count down (less than 8 weeks now, with 11 days off between Christmas and New Year = 26 days to work!) and I am still longing to be done and moved on to new things. I've done a bit of planning with my new boss (boy its a big job!!) and applied for the course I need.

Normal everyday things continue, that broken window is being fixed today (along with a few other repairs that needed doing) the spare room is painted but needs the new carpet down and then furniture putting in. Sarah is waiting for her new placement, almost certainly wont start until Jan, but there's a hope of a good team. Friends/family finally get to move on friday after long waits - am very excited for them both.

And winter has arrived - is it really only just over 4 weeks to Christmas?

3 weeks down, 9 to go...

This is an interesting time - I am working the full 3 months notice, which with a little bit of annual leave means my last day will be 18th Jan. This seems a long time - a very long time, but it is what it is. I've had an interesting week - I've started telling colleagues (as opposed to friends) and had very positive responses, both on a personal and professional level. Next week I will tell some more colleagues who will feel the negatives of me going, which will be more difficult.

I've had a glimpse of what the new job will be like and I am so excited, and I'm about to apply for some studying (which also excites me!!!) and I've had some of the harder stuff at work, from which I am already distancing myself mentally, so at the moment it doesn't feel so hard. I am very conscious though that I need to do my current job properly over the next few months, which is challenging as I have no enthusiasm for it, but I have a responsibility to my employers, and to God, to make every effort and I will.

And Christmas is coming, and the shopping barely started, and my mini should arrive before then. PJ is home at the weekend (briefly) to do some life guard training (and get his washing done inspite of my broken washing machine - shopping trip later!) and Sarah is waiting for things to be sorted. Paul has a few days off to sort out the study move - he's doing a grand job :)

treading water

Its my own fault - I had focused so much on getting a new job I'd forgotten that there'd be an inbetween bit, a long inbetween bit :S I'm contracted to 3 months notice although I've asked if they would release me slightly early (end of Dec) but worst case scenario has my last day as jan 18th. And of course, I want to go sooner. Strangely enough I'm not quite ready to go now (not likely anyway) but I would like the clean break of the end of the year. I have leave between Christmas and New Year so it would be a natural break too - but there's nothing I can do but wait whilst they decide and then put up with it best I can.

I've been waiting a long time to write this post :)

I've been unhappy/frustrated/stressed and more in my current job for a long time, at least 18 months, probably 2 years. The job has changed from the one I went into 5 1/2 years ago, it has become less about patients and more about budgets and business, and I've become piggy in the middle between parents and the package of care they feel they need to care for their child. Now, reluctantly, I realise that this is what the job needs to be about. Its taken me a long time to accept that. And I've learnt a lot about me, and God, and about my worth being in Him, about boundaries, about not taking things personally.

BUT

I couldn't stay there - I was not able to be the person God created me to be, not able to use the gifts He gave me, not able to fulfil the call He has given me.

The call to be there for children who are dying, for their families, to walk alongside them, to speak out for them.

Yesterday I heard that I was successful in applying for a post which will let me do all the above and more. I'm not naive, I know it will be hugely challenging, but its working for an organisation who put the children and their families first.

I'm not sure its completely sunk in, and I'll probably have to wait until January to start the new job, and I have a lot to finish off before I go, but the end (and beginning) are in sight.

So I am very thankful to my Heavenly Papa, for both carrying me through this time, and for creating such a great way forward. And I am very grateful to my family and friends for supporting (putting up with?) and praying for me through out this long journey. Please stay with me on the next bit!!!

Patience

'Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of provocation or delay without acting on annoyance or anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance under strain, especially when faced with long term difficulties. It is also used to refer to the character trait of steadfastness'

Hebrews 6:12 We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those, who in faith and patience, inherit what has been promised.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

PJ is at Uni!!!!

Well we've just got back from taking PJ to Uni. All very uneventful, found his halls, and his room, helped him unpack a lot of stuff, and then left him to finish the rest in his own time.

And, of course, it was emotional. I am soooooo proud of him, he is doing what he wants to do, where he wants to do it, and he will do it well. But of course its a huge milestone. I'm seeing him tomorrow (popping down to pick him up and go over and see Hannah in her halls - she moves in tomorrow), and he'll be home in a month - for life guard training. But for now he's gone, so I'm a bit sad. But just a bit.

To add to the tension of the day we got home and someone has had a go at our side window (which is very rotten) and pulled the ledge off. We don't know if they were fooling around, or trying to break in. Paul is boarding it up as I type, and we'll have to get it replaced. And I could've done without it today, especially as Paul goes away tomorrow.

BUT God is in charge. So all will be ok, on all issues :)

A time of waiting

This is a strange time, now that Sarah's birthday is over.

We're waiting for it to be time for PJ and Hannah to go to Uni, with excitement and trepidation. They are both so eager and ready, and I know they will have an amazing time, but it will be different.

And Sarah is waiting for her term to start

And I'm waiting, and am very close, I think, to the fulfillment of some huge promises, but this week everything stalled. It seems to be moving again but its hard to be so close and not quite there. I'm know in my head that God has it all covered, and it will all work out well, I know that He has plans for me, plans to prosper me, and I think I have had a glimpse of what they may be, and I want them!!!! Soon!!!!!! Please? But I want His will for my life more.

And as a minor inconvenience (or 2) my knee is still causing problems, and had a scare with my eye (which is fine I'm glad to say), and Paul has been away (but is back now).

So here's to the next few weeks and the fulfillment of all the waiting.

A very special party :)

If you combine most of my favourite things: - family, friends, sunshine, good food, good wine, lots of relaxing and fun you get a very special party :D

Today we had a BBQ for Sarah's 21st (which isn't until monday) and although there were some notable exceptions -( I hope you know we missed you) it was a great party. I love the relaxed atmosphere that a BBQ brings, and it was great fun.

But - how did the tiny bundle that I brought home from hospital 20 years and 51 weeks ago grow into such an awesome young lady, beautiful, wise, funny, sensitive, just a little crazy (going to Disney for her birthday treat, texting me with excitement because she'd had a hug from Eeyore?!)? I claim a small part of the credit for this, which I share with Paul - the rest God did and is doing, and boy did He/ isn't He doing a great job

An unusual week off work!

I have spent this last week hobbling round the starship discovery :)

For the uninitiated this was our annual holiday club with a space theme. 118 kids, lots and lots of helpers and controlled mayhem. Added to this usual mix was me managing to fall off stage on set up day, collecting bruises all over, and twisting my knee. Hence the hobbling. It meant PJ took over as 'Flo from the planet Glo' our borrowed glo puppet/alien delivering a hilarious version of a message from our Leader. He was amazing, I know I would never have come up with 100ft kangaroo known as 'because' or fly sized elephants called 'belongs' (well have you ever tried to do actions as a puppet?)

The whole week was fabulous, ran like clock work (amazing Val's organisation as always) the stage and quiz and teaching awesome (Clive, Clive, Clive and Sarah P), drama hilarious (Kat - special mention to Dan's voice over) and on and on. Mostly of course was God, who was doing His work amongst his people, most specially amongst the kids. My Sarah had 11 kids ask Jesus to be their friend, one church mum told me that a teacher friend of hers commented on all the teenagers helping, saying that she knows teenagers and our teenagers are nothing like them, that there was something different about them - that's my Lord :D

So as you may have gathered from all the superlatives, it was a great week, and I hope to be back for more next year!

PJ's off to Southampton!!

SO today is results day and PJ needed AAB (that had to include physics and maths) and............he got AABB :D He's slightly disappointed because he missed an A in physics by one point but very very glad to have confirmed is place at Southampton. He's going to be studying Ship Science aka marine engineering and he's really excited about the course, and the uni, and the cu, and the sailing and everything :)

So a good day - now I just have to cope with him going, and Hannah going...................

God is good - all the time!

I've been procrastinating about this next blog because I'm not sure how to sum up New Wine and the other stuff in my life.

New Wine was amazing as ever - great weather, a few sprinkles of rain but the ground was so dry it seemed to absorb anything and everything immediately so NO MUD :D This meant that folk felt inclined to sit out of an evening with wine or beer or whisky, and enjoy fellowship. Its one of my favourite things about New Wine-having time to make and deepen friendships that often only get a few snatched moments on a sunday.

Obviously the other amazing thing is concentrated, undistracted time with God. As ever this can be painful as well as encouraging and uplifting. All those things that in normal every day life I can avoid, at NW I allow myself and God time to face them, which can be painful. Which meant I cried and agonised over stuff, before 'allowing' God to sort them out. Which He did, with the amazing Grace and love and blessings that are unique to Him.

Inevitably monday at home came, back to the real world and a really difficult week at work. I shouldn't have been surprised really, but the immediacy and intensity did throw me for a while. But God gave me good friends to support me, in prayer, on the phone, with coffee, and I survived. And I'm sitting here with my day off intact, which was very doubtful at one point. And I have certainty that God has plans. I'm waiting, and praying and holding on, as they play out, hoping His timescales are similar to mine!!!!

And in less than a week PJ gets his results, and before you know it he and Hannah will have gone to Uni, another huge huge milestone. Which will be ok, cos God has it covered.

I think probably that was the theme of New Wine for me - God has it all covered, with His plans and protection, and love for me and for those I love ( and those I don't - probably more importantly)

One year....

Yesterday was the anniversary of Paul's dad's death. Dorothy House held one of their remembrance services which coincided/ God - incided with the exact date of his death. Which made it very poignant. For Paul, Graham and I it was our first time back to Dorothy House. You may remember that the last day was very very special. The service yesterday was very well done, giving time to pause and remember, we lit candles, we released balloons, we had time to visit the chapel, where we spent so much time that last day, ad then we went back to Val and Ivor's ate Chinese, and drank wine. A good way to remember.

Henley, Devon and Godzone BBQ :)

Today is the last day of my holiday. It started with a day at Henley, in memory of Paul's dad. This was a great day, good food, wine, friends and family, a lovely way to remember George, one I think we'll try and keep up.

Then PJ's leavers service, nice to mark it with a formal end, and lovely to see his efforts rewarded with 2 prizes.

And then the last bit of packing and off on holiday to Devon. A lovely isolated cottage, really quiet and peaceful. Lots of walking, good food, good wine, games (scrabble and cards - and lots of cheating - Val is sooooo funny drunk). A million miles away from work :)

And today James last Godzone, a flanning, lots of fun, and the traditional BBQ for all the GZ team. Glorious sunshine, a great day for the last day of my holidays.

And back to work tomorrow, but only 3 weeks until New Wine - good times :D

Father's Day

Today is father's day. A good day, Godzone this morning, a lovely sunny day, BBQ lunch with my parents and their friend Graham, a little bit of shopping, a nice chat to Sarah.

But..........we cant help knowing that this is the first father's day without Paul's dad. And in 10 days time we are going to Henley, as a big family celebration in memory of him, and soon after that is the actual anniversary. Dorothy House have a remembrance thing on the day which we hope to go to. So lots happening now to remind us, and, relieved as we are that he isn't suffering, and that we don't have to watch and wait, we are sad, I am sad. I was lucky to have George in my life for 30 years, and I loved him, and I miss him. And, as I keep saying to the rest of the family, its right and proper to be sad sometimes.

The other hard thing is, of course, that Paul's mum, safe and well cared for in the Nursing Home, is, in essence 'gone'. The woman I loved, who I admired, who inspired my faith, is gone. The woman who is left lives in a world I don't recognise, but where she is happy, and for that I am very grateful. But I miss her too.

So, a mixed day, lovely in many ways, sad in many ways

But, because it feels right to put this sadness in context, Hannah is home on saturday, Sarah a week on monday, and we go on holiday the following saturday, after PJ has finished all his exams, and formally left school. The summer will fly by, hopefully full of sunshine and fun. A much better note to end on :)

Today is a lovely day, a day off................pilates, sunshine, talking to Sarah who is in America, relaxing. At some point this evening Elliot and his friend Sam arrive for the weekend. I'm not quite sure how Ell and Sarah managed to 'swap' but they have :) Although Ell goes home on monday and Sarah will have another 2 weeks out there.

Work is challenging as ever, if not more so, but I survived what has probably one of the hardest weeks I've ever worked. As you may know I have been struggling with a lot of my job for at least the last year, and I may have seen an alternative, the first time, and I'm having to consider what are the most important things of any job to me? Kids? Or would any patients do? Flexible working hours? Supportive bosses and team mates? Would new ones be as good? Will the old ones be there in a years time? I could jump, fairly easily I think, but is this the right place to jump to? I don't know the answers right now, but we'll see how it pans out. I'm fairly calm about it, which is very good.

PJ is in the midst of exams, feeling the stress of it all, so I did the traditional mum thing and bought cake and chocolate :)

a great weekend

We've just had a beautiful, hot weekend (up to 27 I think), with lots of good times too :)

Friday Val and Ivor came up, we did a bit of shopping, had a lovely meal, drank a bit of wine, and did some planning for our holiday (just less than 6 weeks now - North Devon). Hopefully it'll be a lot like this weekend - wall to wall sunshine, walking, chilling, good food, good wine.

Saturday Jane and Graham joined us, and in the evening we had a fab BBQ - our first this year.

We decided that we were going to make the effort to meet up after George's death - family was so important to him, and he and Audrey were the hub of the family and ofter the reason why we got together. We realised that it would be all too easy to let it slip, so we are making the effort not to. We had a great day in Southampton earlier in the year, saturday, and we are planning a day at Henley, for the regatta. The ultimate Brombley family celebration - George and Audrey went for the whole week, every year, for many many years, and almost the whole family are going this time, for the day, and its almost the anniversary so it seems timely.

And today is another glorious day, before it starts cooling down to much more normal temperatures, but I just have 4 more days of work before a week's holiday - good times.

PJ's exams start this week (physics thursday pm) and he is 18 on friday - how did that happen???

Life

I think I must lead a fairly dull life because I often struggle to find things to blog about. I'm not complaining, much of last year was far too eventful, and calm has a lot to recommend it :)

There is stuff happening, last week Hannah and the girls were in Abingdon, which was lovely, albeit manic for them. I confess I'm looking forward to the summer when Hannah will be done, and will have a decent amount of time home, just to be able to spend some time with her. I really really am so blessed/lucky (which ever you prefer) that PJ found such a lovely special girl, someone who I have a special relationship with.

Of course thinking about Hannah being home for the summer sort of leads me onto PJ having exams (starting in less than 2 weeks) then summer (obviously) and then autumn, when he and Hannah will go off to uni. I have been so spoilt in having Sarah around while she is at Uni, but they will (God willing) be in Southampton/Portsmouth, and I will see them much less. Which is right and proper but will be hard...........

Sarah is done for her second year and is starting to relax, everything is in place for her trip to America (well other than her mum being able to join her for the second week), and has lots of time to chill - she soooooo deserves it.

Paul is actually at home :) and no immediate plans to be elsewhere.

And me - I'm ok. I'm coping much better with the challenges of my job, there are still days which are difficult, but thats not going to change, and although there is a part of me that would like another job, there aren't any, and I no longer feel desperate. I'm really enjoying working 4 long days a week, and pilates, and the start of summer. And looking forward to going out for a meal with friends tonight.

Perspective

So my working week has only been 3 days this week but they've been pretty intense. I've spent time with 3 families, and supported the team of another. Obviously I cant put any details here, but those of you who know what I do can imagine............

And I've moaned about my job a lot, but these families do this 24/7, literally. Except for one the job is over.

So I apologise for moaning about not going on a trip to the States, I will find that deck with special friends and wine in this country, and raise a glass to friends elsewhere, and will take extra time to hug my kids (warning S, PJ and H)

Isn't it strange............

How sometimes you don't realise how much you would have liked something until you know you cant have it?

Sarah is going to America in June for an alternative placement, staying with her God mum, who is one of my most special friends. There was a chance that, if we had enough airmiles, I could join them for the second week. I had been holding back because it was complicated for lots of reasons (would there be enough, could I get the holiday etc) but we've just checked and there aren't any airmail seats available. So I dont have to work through any of the other complications because its a non starter. But I'd just begun to imagine sitting on A's deck, in the sunshine, reading, chatting, sipping wine, walking Biggles round the lake, shopping, chilling.................and realised how much I'd have loved it.

:(

What to blog.............

I have a friend who's most recent blog is titled 'what not to blog' and hints at the things she chooses not to share. I've been aware its a while since I blogged but have not been sure what to blog about, hence the title!

Basically life is ok, and at times good. Hannah has come home from India and gone to Delhi, from where she will tour the country, popping home at times. PJ has adjusted again, and seems to be working hard - he is very focused on what he wants to achieve so here's hoping. Sarah is a week off finishing this year at Uni. Paul is on his way back from Dundee to fly off to America for a week.

Interesting order don't you think, but then I'm happy when my family's happy :)

Work is ok, I'm about to start seeing a life coach which I think will be good. I hope it will help me to sort out what is working ad what isn't and from that lot what I can change and what I cant. I'm praying about this a lot as you can imagine. I don't know what I'd do if I had a magic wand.........

Tomorrow is a friends wedding and the sun is shining so it should be really good.

But for now I need to go to Tesco's - one of my least favourite job's - but Paul isn't home long enough to do it so..................

A quiet week's holiday

I'm pleased to say that the cold has gone. I've spent this week fairly quietly, bit of spring cleaning, bit of shopping, coffee with friends, and the last few days enjoying a glimpse of spring - which is lovely. I think it would take me quite a while to tire of a life of leisure :P

Its also very lovely having Hannah home. And to have a very happy PJ :) They have a few more days together before she goes to Birmingham to begin their 'tour' going around the UK telling people of their experiences, which goes on until the end of June.

So not a much longer post but its quite nice when life is quiet.....

Short and sweet

I'm full of a cold so forgive this being brief.........

Hannah is home :D Tired, shell shocked, looking fabulous and home :D

I had a lovely birthday, and today, the day we remember that my Lord died, was a lovely service at Church, and a nice lunch with me mum and dad, and now a quiet night in.

More soon I hope

7 days and counting........

Until Hannah comes home :D

Six months is a long time but at last its almost over, in some ways it doesn't seem real, but this time next week, not only will it be my birthday (I like birthdays :) ) but Hannah will be due to land in 10 minutes :D If I'm this excited can you imagine how PJ must be feeling :D

Otherwise life is good, Sarah is marching through her assignments and is getting close to finishing, PJ has finished school for the Easter holidays, Paul has one more week of reduced hours and then is back to work full time (not counting bank holidays). Work is ok, I have 3 days to work before 11 days off :D Tonight we are at friends for supper.

So all in all a happy blog :D

Women's Day 2010

Every year my Church runs a Women's Day. They have other events too, which are equally good, but I love the Women's Days - there is something special about coming together as sisters in Christ...........

Today was special, good teaching, amazing worship, good friends. But obviously the best bit was that God showed up :D Now I believe that not only is God everywhere, but that if you make an appointment with Him (commit to spend some time with Him) he always honours this and meets with you. I take this from Genesis where, even after Adam and Eve had disobeyed Him, He still turned up for what is described as their evening walk (I don't think it matters whether you believe Genesis is literal or not the message is the same) so regardless of whether or not I deserve it - God meets with me - which is AWESOME.

Today I felt bathed in His love, and warmth. There were several pictures of the different types of living water that God offers us, one was of a garden sprinkler, with children having fun playing in the water. That was me today, having fun spending time with my Lord.

There was another example of a river with a strong current and it being time to jump in, go with the flow, of a new direction. I'm not sure if this was for me, but I began to get excited that it may be time for something new..........

As I said I spent the day with some of my best friends, we shared some very precious things, things I will hold with great care in my heart and in my prayers. There were some special girlfriends that weren't there though, for a variety of reasons, and to them, if they are reading - you were on my mind and heart, and in my prayers.

And thanks to the men who let us be there xxx

Spring

Well its the beginning of march, and the sun is shining, so nearly :) You must know how much I love sunshine so I'm happy, sunshine and a day off, pilates, time to relax, all good

Other good things

• Paul saw his surgeon yesterday who is happy with his progress
• Its less than a month to Hannah coming home (although I know she has mixed emotions about this)
• Sarah is well again
• I survived my week at work, quite well actually, accepting the huge parts I cant change, and working within the bits I can help in, long may it last
• The week without a working shower is half way over (ask Paul who fitted the old one wrong so that the new door couldn't be put on in one day :P)
• Its the weekend

Lots of love

My God is an Awesome God

Why would I spend my weekend with between 19 and 64 children, on my feet for 10 straight hours, 3 puppet sketches, lots of cooking, even more washing up? Because I got to see the God of the Universe at work in the lives of these kids.

In particular was an amazing session where we 'taught' them about prophesy. You see I believe that God talks to us, we just have to listen, and that sometimes He tells us things that He want us to pass onto others for their encouragement, comfort, or to strengthen the church. Which = prophesy. And each and everyone of the 19 kids we did this with (and the 10ish teenagers, and 3 adults) heard God speak to them, and 'risked' sharing it with each, and God blessed them, and us, because of this.

And my aching bones, my knackeredness, my dry dry hands, matter nothing, cos I saw God at work :D

(Poor Sarah was poorly sick big time but was still amazing throughout)

Things that make me happy

One of my bestest friends gave me a book on a happiness project which I'm currently reading, and a good place to start seems to be remembering the things in my life that make me happy.
So, not necessarily in order

• My Jesus, my saviour
• My family
• My friends
• Sunshine
• Good coffee
• Walking, particularly on a beach, or in sunshine
• Producing a picture I'm happy with
• Worship music
• Lying in bed, not needing to get up in the morning
• Sharing a glass of wine with someone I love
• Chocolate, Divine, Guylein, sometimes any sort will do
• A phone call or email from my friends
• Little things that remind me that you care about me
• My house, clean and tidy after the cleaner has left

Many many more but that'll do for starters - its a good thing to do - it reminds me how blessed I am

Kal

Paul is back!!!!!!!!

Paul is off all meds but diclofenac and this means he's awake :) and with it :D And realising how much of the last 10 weeks he cant remember............
Its not all good - he's inclined to want to do everything immediately now that he feels so much better, and he's interfering in stuff that have been passing him by, but it is lovely to have him back, the emotional support that I had been missing so much, the love and the care, 'him' is back. SO I'm happy.

Mind you this means that Sarah has to give him his car back soon!

And we're looking at booking a holiday, just a week in Devon, but a lovely break in the summer.

Thank you, again, for your love and support. I hope (to use that lovely American phrase) that I can pay it forward.........

Kal

One week on........

Paul is now one week post op and he's doing well. He's dropping the diazepam and amitryptilline and is waking up! he's even confessed that he doesn't remember anything of the Godzone Carol service which he led!
He has good movement in his neck, and minimal pain. The only thing that isn't recovering as fast as we'd hoped is that his thumb is still numb - he did have some sensation immediately postop but it went again. We aren't panicking though as the surgeon said it could take a while as the nerves will be bruised.
I'm still knackered though - its been nearly 9 weeks now. We've just re jigged the sleeping arrangements again though to see if I can get some more sleep!
I haven't really had time or energy for much else, started back at Pilates which is lovely.
I have really appreciated the support of all our family and friends, so thank you all

Kal

The start of Paul's recovery

I am really really pleased to be able to say that Paul had his op today. 7 weeks after it started. Surgery went well, and he's looking quite good (if you ignore the oxygen, drips, drains etc). And although he's in pain this is the start of him getting better - which we all desperately need. Its been a long hard 7 weeks - Paul has either been in pain, or so doped up that he couldn't do anything, his right thumb has been numb throughout, he's been fed up, frustrated and grumpy. None of which was his fault - but it was hard to live with. So for him, and us, I'm really pleased that he's had the op.

I do know that he's got a long way to go - he'll be off work for at least 4 weeks, and he isn't a good patient but its SO good that he's safe and well

Thank you all for your prayers, please keep them going

Kal

There's snow business like snow business...........

So on tuesday/ wednesday it snowed - I doubt you were able to miss this small fact! Abingdon had about 9 inches and here we are on sunday still with lots of snow!!!!! The main roads, A34 etc are lovely and clear, the road our house on is still thick snow, and there is every possibility in between. Pj's school closed (as did they all) Sarah couldn't get to placement, I didn't go in to work (but did work reasonable at home).

Paul and I did make it in to see his consultant - and we are waiting for a date for surgery. If it wasn't for the blasted snow we'd have a date. Either next thursday, or if snow stops play (again) the week after.

And yes I am fed up with snow. Britain just hasn't got its act together. I know from our friends in America that although they have the odd snow day, they are too well set up to let it cause problems this long. And I know that economically we don't have snow often enough to have everything in place to cope as other countries do but I'd love to know how much this is costing our economy.

Enough moaning about snow, its just a fed up day, Paul is feeling rough and without a date the end doesn't feel any nearer and just generally blah................

With hope (and those of you who know me will know what hope means to me) this time next week Paul will have had surgery and will be home recovering............

Kal

2010

I'm currently enjoying the penultimate lie in of my holidays. I love lazy mornings, breakfast in bed, the balance of things to do but not so much that I feel pressured.

So 2009 was an interesting year, full of challenges, highs and lows. I think I've documented most of them but I'd like to record the highs (because one of the things I've learnt is that its much more productive to focus on the good than the bad).

In no particular order

• learning that its not my job to fix things - its Gods - the world, in particular my part of the world, is a much better place if I 'allow' God His rightful place in charge of it. He wont fail me, I will.
• the day of Grandpa's death - a real gift to all of us, and the assurance that he's in Heaven
• Grandma safe in the nursing home
• celebrating 25 years of marriage with Paul, and of course, Mauritius
• Sarah - being friends with your daughter is a very precious gift, watching her thrive in her life is inspiring
• PJ - his quiet determination to do what he needs to do, to achieve what God has in store for him is impressive. His love for Hannah, his support for her whilst she is in India. The chance this has given him and me to develop a friendship has been an unexpected bonus
• Hannah - it is something very special when you can become not just friends, but family, with your sons girlfriend. I am so proud of you Hannah - for who you are, you are just as God intended - don't doubt His handiwork
• Friends - who have prayed for us, laughed and cried with us

I'm sure there's more but that will do for now.

And 2010? I'm not in to reslolutions. I have hopes and good intentions but mostly they are summed up by the very grand desire to walk more closely with my Heavenly Papa. If I can do this then all will be ok. In the words of a New Wine speaker (brain dead as ever) left foot, right foot - we rarely change things/ God occassionally changes things miraculously instantaneously. More often it is about changing habits, retraining our behaviours, the hard slog, of daily obediance, left foot then right foot. That's my hope for this year.

May yours bring you everything God has in store for you.

Kal