Angel of death?

My job is to support children, their families and the teams around them, when they are in a crisis, when they are dying. This means I often meet them at a point when death is imminent.

 

A while ago my nephew jokingly called me the angel of death, which I shrugged off a bit. The other week a colleague used this phrase saying 'I wasn't sure if it was time to call in the angel of death'.

As you can imagine - I don't like it. But is it true?

The answer is no. Firstly I'm not an angel. God created me to be a little lower than the angels (Psalm 8:4-6). But most importantly - if I'm anything it's an angel of life, of light, of hope. I carry God's presence with me into the dark places. Somehow, by being in the place of death, God changes things. This may be by the human things He has gifted me with. I am good at my job, my skills in symptom management, my understanding of the death process, my ability to support parents and professionals as they care for a child who is dying, helps. But much more importantly I facilitate God's presence in that place. I stand and pray, calling all God's power and love to surround everyone there (knowing that He doesn't need my presence but HE has chosen to partner with me). And, whether or not the people there are aware of it, I believe this changes everything.

It's not an easy place to stand, and I'll never like the tag line  as above, but as long as He wants me there I will be.

PJ and Hannah's wedding

I'm not sure I can do justice to the amazing day that was PJ and Hannah's wedding. But I'm going to try....

 

We've been waiting for this day for a long time, its 19 months since PJ proposed, 7 years they've been together, this last year of real planning, in bursts around Hannah's placements and assignments. A long, 12 hour, day on Friday setting up, and finally the day arrived.

 

Dry, a little cooler than we might have chosen, but not the rainy day that had been forecast. A nice relaxing build up.....not!

 

Hair and makeup, a few last minute bits at church all seemed easy to fit in but suddenly we were all getting ready in a rush, then at church waiting for Hannah (the last minute panic of a vital piece of ribbon in the wrong place, a mere 7 miles away!)

 

And then the most beautiful, God centred wedding I have been to (so far). Every element was so personal to them, reflected who they are, as individuals, as a couple, their love for each other, and their love for our Heavenly Father. Watching them exchange vows, amazing worship, a great speech by Ron, the best exit ever.

 

And then the best party.

 

Sarah has described the fantastic creation of this day http://space-kitten.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/it-takes-church.html, and the huge list of people who made it happen. And the best bit? Whilst being overwhelmed by the love we were shown yesterday, I am not surprised - this is, as Sarah says, what true church is.

 

And now my baby boy is married. To the most amazing girl I am proud to call daughter (in-law if you want to nit pick), and I am proud, and excited for them, and exhausted and still remembering the moments that made it one of the best days ever.

 

Holiday Club

I haven't posted for a while because I've been doing a photo blog and a photo can say a thousand words... But I was trying to do a Facebook status about holiday club and it just needs too many words :)

Some people don't get why I chose to use a week of my annual leave up on holiday club. Basically I do it because we get to spend the week with about 120 kids, half of whom don't go to church. Add in their parents and this is an amazing evangelistic opportunity. I don't count myself as a natural evangelist - some people have a real gift for telling others about Jesus. I don't. But I can be part of an amazing team who, through everything that is holiday club, live and breathe who Jesus is. And then we let Him do the rest.

And this was a fantastic week. It's a well oiled machine these days, so most of the organisational stuff smoothlessly happened behind the scenes. The team, all of whom are volunteers- not one person paid to be there, teens and adults, all working together, and having a load of fun in doing it. Of course this is part of what makes it such an amazing week, the huge fun we have.  And I think the kids catch this- being a Christian is fun, and the parents see that Church is a great community.

Of course the special stuff, the stuff God does with our offerings, its hard to capture - but Sarah and PJ taught them about prayer, using Rachel's 'Chat, catch and pass' . Prayer is simply chatting to God, about everyday stuff, every moment of the day. and God chats back, and if we listen, we will hear Him (catch) and sometimes He will talk to us about stuff for other people (pass). It's simple but its given me great confidence in my own prayer life (its too easy to think that God couldn't possibly listen to my simple rambling prayers). In the week we saw kids praying all the time, on their own, in small groups, in the prayer shack/ boat.

We heard stories from parents of children committing to take time every day to listen to God. We saw kids and leaders have words and pictures. We saw healings. We saw God be God, hopefully unlimited by us. And we saw teens and adults grow in confidence and faith. We also had people who didn't understand, who got confused and disturbed by what we were doing- lots more prayer needed....

And of course for many of these kids we won't see what grows from the seeds planted this week. Some we will not see again, some will simply come back next year. But that's ok, we helped sew the seeds, God will water and tend, we keep praying for them.

This year was special because for lots of significant people on team it was their last year. And next year will be different. But different can be good, and I'm sure it will.

So, as I start getting ready for Sarah's birthday BBQ, and then go back to work, with an essay I never finished (due in in 2 weeks!) and two weeks today is Hannah and PJs wedding, and tired and aching, do I regret how I spent this week - not at all :)

Family..

I'm home alone again, but only very briefly, recovered from my horrible virus, having a lovely bank holiday weekend. Hannah has just gone back to Portsmouth, Sarah is at Church (I have the morning off Godzone), Paul is still in Sweden, PJ in Southampton.

 

But I realised how fluid my family is at the moment, and I'm enjoying it. The other weekend there were 7 of us here (the LEGOLAND trip), and numbers staying seem to vary from 7 to 2 (we haven't had a 1 overnight yet). Various combinations of family and friends (new and old), for meals, for 'sleepovers', parties, chill outs, it doesn't matter really, they're all good.

 

When we moved here, nearly 18 years ago, one of our hopes and prayers was that this home would be open to extend God's welcome, and I think it has. Now is just a particularly obvious time. I love that Sarah or PJ may say, 'I told X that they could stay over, that is alright isn't it?' It doesn't matter if it's one night or many, a passing friend of a friend, or a nearly family special person. And of course it's ok. Paul's parents in particular, but my own as well, always made people welcome, and I loved that, I'm glad that we have a similar home.

 

Poorly..

To explain why I was feeling flat - replace with poorly! Knew I had a sore throat, today woke up with a cold (which is just a cold) but also with horrible giddiness - unless I keep very still the world swings around me :( Seriously hoping this doesn't last long....

 

Home alone....

Again..................

 

Obviously Sarah isn't away, but she is out, which is right and proper cos she has a life of her own, I'm just feeling a bit fed up as this is the first of the times when Paul is away this year that includes being away over the weekend too, week 2 and 3 of this 8 week stint. And we've both had more than enough of it now.

 

It'll be fine, I'll fill it with nice things, enjoy some peace and quiet, but tonight I'm just feeling a bit flat :S

 

Celebrations

Last week was really lovely.

 

PJ and Hannah home, Paul not away, meaning all 5 of us together. Add in a selection of friends coming and going, meaning there was usually at least 6 for supper, and, in spite of lots of mess and chaos I was very happy.

 

Then there was my birthday, lots of lovely pressies, brunch cooked by Hannah and PJ, coffee in town, afternoon cream tea, then out for a lovely meal.

 

A week of relaxing, enjoying not having to set an alarm, even if I didn't manage to sleep in much, I had lots of lie ins.

 

Then an amazing party, we managed a BBQ (even though it snowed 5 days before, and it was the lovely relaxed fun that I love about BBQs. And thanks to my amazing family I hadn't organised it, shopped for it, planned or cooked it :)))

 

As I said a lovely week.

PS - my main present was a DSLR, and to try and make sure that I use it properly, and learn and develop my photography skills, I've started a new blog, posting a picture a day for a year (I pinched the idea from a friend). Its not very exciting but in case you're interested - http://kal365.blogspot.co.uk/

We're going on a bear hunt....

So next week I'm 50..... its a very curious 'big' birthday, and I'm finding it interesting, both my own reaction, and that of others. I have the advantage that I'm not the oldest amongst my group of friends, rather somewhere in the middle, which means, obviously, I'm not the first to have done this.

 

But even so the range of comments are interesting. Some people are surprised that I'm so open about it, some tease me about getting old (no James, I'm not going to primetime). Some nice comments assuming I'm talking about my 40th (mostly genuine rather than kind!). Some hinting at what I think is a general nervousness of true old age...

 

So how do I feel? I'm really not bothered. I like birthdays, I like being spoilt and pampered, I like parties (of the low key, everyone having a good time together, not too much centre of attention please kind).

 

I am happy with my life, I feel like I'm where God wants me to be, and I have lots to look forward too (weddings, grandchildren, time with Paul.....) And ultimately, its happening whether or not I like it so I may as well get on with it.

 

I am taking it as motivation to lose weight (I've just managed to lose the first stone) and get fitter (the thought of the wedding photos is helping too). I am also aware of real old age - which I think is cruel. Watching Paul's mum decline is horrible. So its time to do my bit.

 

But for now, by tomorrow my whole family will be home, for Easter and my birthday, lots of fun and time together. The weather will not be warm enough for a proper BBQ, but we may get close. Add a week off work and what's not to celebrate?

 

So why my title? I love this story, and here is my version, for this week only :)

 

I'm going on a birthday hunt

Its going to be a big one!

I'm not scared....

I cant go round it, I cant go over it so...

I'm going to go through it, with as much fun and laughter as possible :)

 

 

PS - everyone is very different so please don't feel this is a criticism of how you may have reacted/may react, its just my way.

Home alone

As most of you will know Paul is in Seattle for 12 days (due back on valentines day) and Sarah is on her way to Paris (currently in London on her way to the Eurostar). PJ and Hannah are of course in Soton and Southsea, which leaves me home alone. And right now I'm looking forward to it! Its only for 5 days, and I have bits and pieces happening on most days, and for the rest I have a new book, and sole control of the remote, and the place is tidy and warm. I'm fairly sure I'll get fed up of it but for now its fine :)

 

Life...

I sometimes struggle with what to write in my blog because so much of what is going on in my life is because of work, and I cant write about that......I love my job, I work with a great bunch of people, I get to do the job God created me to do and I work with the most amazing children and their families. And I maintain that caring about is as important as caring for. Which makes it a tough job to do sometime. But they are other people's stories so the bits I can talk about here are limited, and talking about trivial things seem wrong.

 

But a friend commented that I hadn't posted for a while so here I am.......

 

 I feel blessed when I can watch children make new friends at the same time as they are grieving. I am in awe of friends who can smile through tears, and be there for each other. I am glad that they, and I can balance a relationship that is part professional and part friend, in varying mixes. I am grateful for other times when purely as a professional I get to walk alongside people, and make a little bit of a difference.

 

I appreciate good coffee, and friends to share it with. Days off to recover and rest. A day when the sun shines, and the days are just a little bit longer, a hint of spring just round the corner.

 

Other stuff - Paul about to be travelling again.....the start of my dissertation, that early bit where it feels like I have enough time to enjoy learning. Sarah, PJ and Hannah all well and thriving in what they are doing.