Yes - this phase is over.
The final twist came with an infection that didn't respond to treatment, a decision not to think about trying anything else, and a transfer to the local hospice - Dorothy House, with a probable day or two prognosis (this was monday)
Paul and I visited on tuesday - his dad was struggling but could still speak a bit, and could type when he couldn't. Wednesday morning brought the call that he had had a marked deterioration and we decided to go over as a foursome.
We then had an amazing, unexpected day.
Graham, Paul's brother, had managed to get their mum over to visit, a major feat as she is wheelchair bound and very frail. We all arrived at the same time. Paul's dad recognised her, and all of us. They had some time together, and Paul's mum said goodbye, as she was wheeled out of the room, he managed to raise his hand to wave goodbye.
Sarah and Peter had some time with him too but very shortly he lapsed into unconsciousness and never roused again.
We then spent the next 9 or so hours taking it in turns to sit with him. We were 8 by then, Val, Ivor, Phil, Ruth (their children) and us. Graham spent the day with their mum but joined us about 9. When we weren't in with him we sat in the chapel
This is the chapel http://www.dorothyhouse.co.uk/aboutus.asp from the outside looking in but it doesn't do it justice. The views are amazing, you can see how big the windows are, we were surrounded by the reminder of God's awesome creation. We laughed, we were sad, we had fish and chips (not in the chapel!) we drank gallons of tea. As evening turned to night none of us could face leaving, not knowing how long we had. So the staff opened up guest bedrooms, collected easy chairs, made more tea, and generally supported us (we were the only relatives in the place - other patients in for respite).
Sarah and I had just gone for a lie down, with some of the others next door in the lounge, when we heard running, and Ruth barged in saying he had stopped breathing. We all ran down to his room, and he, generously, took two further breaths, each minutes/moments apart, and then slipped away, with all 9 or us there - so so precious. We each said our goodbyes and did whatever we needed.
We ended up staying another few hours, as one of Graham's sons and daughter in law hadn't made it to us from their holiday but were on their way. We drank more tea, ate toast (freshly buttered toast - truly divine), and then, shortly after they arrived, had a chance to see him, had a few moments, we all left.
A very few hours sleep later we began the process of funerals. We are all exhausted but strangely calm - yesterday was so special its almost unbelievable. For all my complaining, and begging for it to be over - God's timing was perfect - why do I ever doubt it? (partly because He has more confidence in what I/we can cope with than I do!!!)
So thank you all for your love and prayers, we couldn't have got this far without them, and we still have some tough times ahead, so please keep praying
Love
Kal
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