So my lovely husband is home (albeit physically rather than mentally!) and I've decided I cant manage to juggle everything anymore.
I think I'd put so much energy into keeping it altogether whilst Paul was away, and the realisation that he was back, and it wasn't over, hit me. The focus of this is that I struggle to cope with people asking me questions, I get scared, I think, that I'm going to get upset with them. I'm fine with my family, and close friends, but not colleagues, or acquaintances. Which means work, and the church congregation. Coupled with the fact that work has become a less secure place in general, so my panic there was greater (more to lose if i 'lost' it?). Anyway - I spoke out loud the words 'I'm struggling' and within a couple of hours I was home, and now I'm signed off sick for two weeks. Its giving me a lovely break - what I'm not sure about yet is whether its enough, or whether I need to see a counsellor?
The trouble, obviously, is not knowing how long this will go on for - how long before Paul's dad dies?
I am ok, I got out in time, I'm loving being at home, but am aware its not forever, and doesn't change anything, so what will - hmmmm............................will let you know when I work it out!
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