When two worlds collide

Last week the very precious daughter of some of my best friends died. We knew she wouldn't make old bones but we weren't expecting it. There was no warning, no illness, just a suddenness. Which we know was better for her.....

 

I know that nothing I am feeling compares to how her family are feeling. But I loved her, and I love them. And for the first time (and hopefully the only time) my worlds, home and work, have collided. Her parents called me, because they knew that as their friend, I would be there in a heartbeat. They called me because they knew that in my professional role I could help. And I did.... a bit.

 

And this meant I got to walk with them through the early hours of this horror. I got to see God's hand working, in little things and in big things. And I moved with them to my place of work, where my team did their stuff, for the family, and for me. They gently helped me move from professional to friend.

 

And now, some days later, the worlds have technically separated again. Many many people have such grief in their personal lives, and go to work or school. Its just I'm not sure how to reconstruct this for me. I stood in that place and cried, and all the things I did for others I did for her, with no boundaries, no barriers, my heart laid bear. How do I put it all back together?

 

I'm trusting in God, and in years of training, and in my team, again. And feeling guilty, my troubles barely compare to her family's. But I know they love me too, and probably know all this for me.

 

 

Permanent :)

If you read this regularly you will remember this http://kalbrombley.blogspot.co.uk/2010/10/ive-been-waiting-long-time-to-write.html or even this http://kalbrombley.blogspot.co.uk/2010/12/blog-post.html. Well those two years, which back then seemed a long time, are almost up - January to be exact, and the time to plea for a permanent contract arrived.

 

It was interesting because my first instinct was that I didn't want to drive this. One of the things I learnt in those hard times was that life is so much better when I let God be in charge. Its left me a bit wary of leading on things in case I get in the way. I'm still working on this fine balance but at New Wine they were talking a lot about the fact that God often answers are prayers with 'ok, let us do this' with an emphasis that He chooses to work with us, through us.

 

But I hate selling myself....

 

But I got over it, and wrote a 4 page proposal of why they would want to keep me, showing how the role has made a big difference to children, families, and services, mine and many others. And I've had to sit as everything I do was discussed, and judged, and because, as those of you who know me, know, who I am is part of what I do, they were judging me. Its a hard place to be. Its separate to me knowing who I am in God, but a) I need a job and b) I wanted this one. I love it, and it does make a difference, and I do believe I'm doing God's work, and I count myself very blessed to be able to say this.

 

So last week the first hurdle, the management group, the people I work with. A unanimous YES :)

 

This week, trustees, people who know me less well, but are responsible for the organisation. A meeting that was very different with some difficult decisions to make, a last minute warning that maybe they wouldn't get to me......but they did, and a unanimous YES.

 

This is a slight underestimation of quite how stressed I was! But its over now.

 

And I am about to have a permanent contract, the validation that they value what I do, the go ahead to carry onwards and upwards.

 

I am very very relieved and excited. As I've said I love my job, and I love working for this organisation.

 

It was a risk 2 years ago, but my desperation to get out of my old job made that risk easier to take.

 

My one fear was that away from that old job, I would drift from God, I actually prayed that this job wouldn't be too easy! I don't regret that prayer. But I underestimated the cost of this job. I care for children who are dying. Each and everyone of them is so precious, and its wrong that they are suffering and dying. I do make a difference, and God enables me to carry this load, but I cling to Him just as much, which is what I wanted.

 

So today I look forward to more, so much more, and give thanks.

 

 

Parenting young adults

Parenting is always an adventure, its always about trying to stay one step ahead of your kids, anticipating the next step of their development, the next step of freedom. They're have been times when I've had to say -  give me a moment, let me think- which I think is ok, because its ok for your kids to know that you need to learn, and grow and adapt.

 

So my/our latest challenge is being a parent to young adults. In very different ways its been an interesting summer. If you read my last blog you'll know what's been going on with PJ. And that I've been very peaceful about it all summer (aside from some initial uncertainty). But I've been slightly thrown these last few days, as he's just returned to Southampton, and is looking for work, and just beginning to find his feet in his Church. And I'm fretting, just a bit, about him being on his own, about him finding work, which is daft, because I know God's plan for his life is amazing. But then I know I'm only human.

 

The other interesting perspective has been some stuff that Sarah has experienced this summer. Someone judged her unfairly, spoke harshly to her, hurt her. Which, of course, hurt me, and Paul. But she's an adult, and we're not supposed to feel this for her.......Now amazingly God has completely overwhelmed me. and swamped me with his peace. I've still had some unkind thoughts towards the person involved but God has challenged me, and held me. And Sarah has, after a few weeks, had a complete and unreserved apology. But its been interesting....

 

On a much more positive note we've had Hannah staying here all summer, which has been lovely, seeing her and PJ together, seeing her as part of our family.

 

Seeking God...

I've discovered that it's very easy to get out of the habit of blogging, and as the gap grows it's almost harder to work out at what point you restart....

Life has been ticking along, I passed my prescribing module, not as well as I'd hoped (I'd put so much work in I'd hoped for a decent academic mark, but a pass is a pass). Work is good, although as I start the last 6 months of my two year contract, I'm very aware that time is passing fast, and I'm trying hard to rely on God's plan, whatever that is.... New Wine is a week away, then a holiday with Paul. I have all my kids home for the summer which is sooo lovely.

But the big news in our family is PJ's news, which he's blogged about here http://pjbrombley.blogspot.co.uk/, as has Paul, http://spikesalterego.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/road-to-maturity.html and it prompted me to add my thoughts....

The world puts huge expectations on us all, and its hard to defy convention and follow God's call on your life. This can be in big or small things. Sarah showed us this one, when she chose to come home from Halls. We also learnt that people judge, and sometimes they are the people you would hope would know you, and your children better. So as PJ and Paul have said, when PJ first talked about leaving his degree, I was thrown. I was concerned that he was choosing the easier option (soon allayed after his talk with his Southampton vicar, and his huge efforts towards his exams). I was also worried about how people would judge him. My son is an awesome man of God, and his chosen path is all about being true to the call on his life. Mama tiger emerging???!!!

But I am very grateful that God intervened and His peace is overwhelming. I learnt last time that true friends honour our choices. They do hold us to account, but to God's standards, not the world's. One of the verses a friend gave me was Proverbs 16: 9 We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. And I am completely happy with PJ's plans, I know that the Lord is determining PJ's steps. And the people that matter are supporting us all, and share our excitement for this next phase of PJ's life.

And I would always chose that my children (however old they are) seek first the Lord. When Sarah was 16 she had a relatively short time when she doubted Christianity, where she had lots of questions, and backed away from God, and Church. I tried to reassure myself that it was ok, and caught myself saying, its not as though she has a life threatening illness - but you see she did. I believe that only Jesus can save us, and give us life eternal, and if you don't believe in Him, then you do indeed have a life threatening disease - the bible calls it sin, and only through Jesus can sin be dealt with, and can we be reconciled with God.

So would I chose for one of my children to be conforming with the world, or following God's call on their life? No contest. And I am proud of them all, and love them for who they are.

Done!

So, as most of you will know, I have spent the last 5 months studying for the Non-Medical Prescribing qualification. 12 weeks of 1 day a week lectures, OSCEs (observed practical exams) pharmacology and numeracy exams, and this HUGE piece of academic work, 26,000 words of evidence, hopefully showing that I am competent to prescribe.

 

I have never written so many words, its taken hours and hours, about 10-15 hours of extra work every week, sometimes more. And I have learnt so much, and I've loved the learning. But it has dominated everything!

 

Today I handed in this piece of work (3 days early - and yes I am feeling a bit smug about this!).

And I have to wait until the end of May for results, and then a bit longer for the qualification to be registered (assuming I pass) so it will be almost a year before I get to do any of it for real.

 

The interesting bit will be what will I do with all this time I didn't know I had! (Apart from wedding planning :) ).

 

Until the next time of course........which is already applied for, due to start late May. Yes I am mad :D

 

Celebrations

Yesterday PJ proposed to Hannah, and she said yes :D We've been hoping for this for a while now, they've been together for 5 1/2 years now, survived Hannah being in Delhi for 6 months, and adapted to being at Uni. I'm delighted that PJ has found a beautiful young women, who's faith shines even more strongly than her beauty. I believe that God has brought them together, and have hope in Him, for the years they have together for the future.

I also count myself, and our family, blessed to have lovely, precious Hannah joining us, she fits in, she complements us (puts up with us?!).

So now we have the fun of helping them plan a wedding, late summer 2013 :)

Studying...

I do enjoy studying when it is relevant to what I do, something that enhances my every day work. At the moment I'm working on a portfolio of evidence for my non medical prescribing qualification. I've found this course one of the hardest, most intense, time consuming and best I've done. I have learnt and am learning loads that is relevant to my every day practice. It will directly benefit my patients.

But.....

I'm fed up of all my days off being taken up with writing reflective essays, researching, referencing and on and on. I am spending 4-6 hours every day off (so fri/sat/sun) and some evenings - that's about 18 hours a week, on top of a full time job :S

And there are less than 4 weeks to the hand in date, so 3 weeks to produce stuff, as I need to print, collate and bind said portfolio ready to hand in.

I'm very much looking forward to finishing, and having time for other things. Although I am sneaking in the odd bit of baking, and the odd trip to Portsmouth.

And of course, knowing me, I'll take a brief pause and then move on to the next course, Sheer madness!