A slightly different Chrsitmas

I've been pondering over how to describe this Christmas. Because there were some lovely times - a great Christmas service, surrounded by my Church family, really good talk - challenging us to remember Jesus throughout the day. Lovely gifts, great lunch, good company.

But - it felt different. I've realised that I didn't relax completely.

Paul pulled his neck on Christmas day - he reached slightly awkwardly to hug PJ and aggravated it. And he's needed more pain meds, not just an increase back to where he was. And I think we're resigned to surgery now.................

And this meant that I was nervous during the cooking of lunch, didn't drink much, didn't relax much. So didn't have fun in the way I normally would. I did have some lovely times though.

Today our guests have all gone and we all get to collapse in a big heap, which I think is just what we need to do.

My kids, as ever were fab, and made it for me. PJ cooking brilliantly, Sarah fizzing with excitement.

Kal

Nearly.................

Christmas that is, less than a week now. I'm nearly ready, just a few small things for stockings to buy, then the presents to wrap. We always leave the family presents until Christmas eve, which I know is most people's idea of disaster, but its part of the build up for me :)

We went to the Carol service tonight and Sarah brought her bestest friend from her course, who isnt a Christian. It made me try and look at it as she might be seeing it. Its a very traditional service for us, very traditional carols, a choir, formal order, formal prayers. A great video (Cardboard testimonies - its on youtube but I'm too lazy to go get the link), an ok talk. Then a request to fill in a response card, which we all felt was a bit forced. But it made me think (as did having D there throughout) how I would I describe my faith?

I believe in the story behind Christmas, I believe Jesus came to earth, to die, so that I might be restored into a full, amazing relationship, with my Lord God. I know Him (in a human way) and I love Him, and He loves me, truly thinks I am awesome. And I try to keep Him central to my life, to rely on Him, not be blown off track by the storms of this world. And He lives in me, through what we call the Holy Spirit. Because He loves me, not because of anything I have done.
It may not make sense to you, but it makes every sense to me.

I'd be happy to talk to you some more, any time.......... because, to use that slightly corny phrase, this is the greatest gift, of all time, and I'd like to share it with you

Kal

Update

Paul has, indeed, slipped a disc a T2. Nice consultant, reasonable compromise between surgery now or maybe later (wait 4 weeks and review - surgery if no significant improvement).
So now he is off work for at least 4 weeks, continuing on the mega meds, which leave him dopey, and frustrated cos he cant work, drive, use a PC (much), lift or very much at all. Except remind me about everything that needs doing, and ask me repeatedly if I've done it yet............ I think this is going to be challenging for all of us.
He did manage to lead the children's carol service this am (we wont talk about him nearly falling off the stage), and I know that he cant help any of this, I'm just a little daunted by it all.

So all prayers gratefully received, my God is bigger than this, and is in control.

Curve ball............

Paul is injured - we don't know how, or just yet exactly what, but we do know that the slightly sore neck deteriorated into complete agony on Saturday, causing Paul to cry with pain, something I'd never seen before. Hence on trip to out of hours docs early hours of Sunday am, 'muscle spasm', heavy meds and home again, rough day on Sunday, agony middle of the night again, just a telephone call this time at 2am, to be able to give him even more meds, and finally some sleep.

Monday saw us at the gp who diagnosed nerve compression, dull reflexes as well as all the muscle spasm ?slipped disc somewhere in neck.

So now Paul is one mega meds (for those that are interested tramadol, diclofenac, paracetamol, diazepam and Amitryptiline) which have brought the pain to a manageable level (but not got rid of it) and caused him to be very dopey. On the plus side he is managing to sleep.

Tomorrow Paul is having an MRI scan, and seeing a neurosurgeon (thanks to microsoft providing private health care) so we will find out a bit more.

Sarah is feeling rough too, and has her next deadline on friday so is stressing

Which leaves me and PJ holding the fort -hmmmmmmmmmmm?

Kal

How did it get to be December?

I'm not ready yet - for December let alone Christmas! Actually I'm chilled about Christmas at the moment, I've started shopping, in fact am reasonably well organised, and as I refuse to start shopping too early I'm quite happy about where I am. Its December I'm not ready for, in fact I think we should be in early November - did I miss a whole month? Its just that all of a sudden its time for the busyness of Carol services and Christingles and when to put the decorations up and and and...................

But Christmas is fine :)

In other news I love working 4 days, even if they are long ones. I think its probably what is keeping me sane at the moment - I now have 3 very very complex cases, and 3 more that are just very complex, all vying for my time. And I cant fix any of the the very verys, which frustrates me, as I feel that I am letting the families down, but I am only human, and am doing my job to the best of my ability, and I trust God with all the rest. If you read my blog regularly you'll know that for me to be in this place is a huge thing. I do have to remind myself that this doesn't mean I'm doing any less for anyone, or that I care any less, rather that I'm just not putting the expectation on myself that its my job to fix it all - I'm letting God be God.
Mind you if He has a master plan that includes a different job I'd love Him to let me know :)

PJ now has a job pool life guarding one evening a week, he's had a mad phase of induction but it should settle down now. He also has 3 uni offers already, including his first choice, so is very happy.

Sarah is full of a cold but managing to keep going, oh and most importantly managed to stay a night in Oxford!!!!!!!!

Paul and I had a nice couple of days, shopping and time together, spent lots of money but hey!

That's all for now

Kal

:(

I need to blog about a work situation which means this is probably not going to make much sense as I need to avoid saying anything that identifies the situation.

A family I work with asked me to attend a meeting with them today. As you know I don't work fridays anymore, but I went to this meeting, and although it took over 3 hours of my day (there and back) I'm glad I went. They are facing the saddest situation ever, after an awful set of circumstances. I didn't do anything today except be there, but I hope that helped. I have some of the things they said, and some pictures from it all stuck in my head at the moment (hence why I'm blogging - I need to let them go). My heart is heavy for them, I'm sad and I'm shattered, but I'll be ok, I'm not sure they will be.............

But in His amazing way, on my way out, just as I was beginning to let myself think and absorb all that had happened, I looked up and saw the chaplain, a lovely man, who I've worked with in the past, and who now goes to our church. he said hello, and I said, do you have a moment? God knew, before I did, that I needed a little bit of space before driving home, to process some of the stuff, to cry a little...........

And now I've had a takeaway and am about to open some wine, whilst praying for this family, knowing that only God can hold them safe. Pray with me?

Kal

blogging to India!

Hannah mostly only has access to internet once a week, and whilst I'm not sure if she gets chance to access all our blogs, I realised tonight that if I blog today it makes the most of the chance that she will be able to see this :)

Life is mainly back to normal, all of us are well, all of us are busy. Work is not so good this week, lots and lots of politics, getting in the way of what needs to be done, or what I think needs to be done, which may or may not be the same thing. Sometimes I long for an easy job, and yes I know I'd be bored and frustrated, but there's no harm in the occasional dream...........

We've booked onto New Wine for next year which is really good, I love New Wine, I love the unadulterated quality time with God, having left the distractions of work and everydayness behind, I love our community, I wouldn't go as far as saying I love camping but I'm happy to put up worth it.

Interestingly the sermon on sunday evening touched on being in the world but not caught up with the distractions of it. I'm not managing to be as focused as I was when I first returned after being off, but I am letting go of work at the end of the day, and I am remembering that I cant fix many things, its not my job, God is the only one who can fix everything.

One more day of work then a day off, supper with friends which I am really really looking forward to, and then the weekend :D

Kal